Middlesbrough Council Lose Out in Collection Standoff

In what will undoubtedly come to be known as the showdown of the Century, a tribunal judge has ruled that Middlesbrough council could not block off a centuries-old right of way as part of a new private housing development due to the efforts of a single gutsy pensioner. The proposed action would have blocked Cliff Kitching (85) from his usual bin route, approximately 20 yards away, forcing him to walk over 200 yards to the top of the village – effectively turning his weekly bin drop off into a pilgrimage of wheelie big proportions. Not on Cliff’s watch.

Despite collapsing at a one-day land tribunal in Leeds and racking up nearly a £9,000 legal bill, our seasoned protagonist vowed to continue his fight against the local authority, as in his words: “I was expected to push my bin over 200 yards to the top of the village and back. I can’t even walk 20 yards without my walking stick. I take my stick wherever I go.” Making for a truly fascinating account of one man’s ceaseless determination to protect his bin drops like they were his own young, the story has been described by local news outlets as “The David and Goliath of our times”. A true enough observation, though we think it actually is far more resonant of Harry Brown (minus the guns and pension violence): a tale of an elderly hero stepping up to the plate where no one else would to protect his local community. We commend you sir.

After 2 years of legal back and forth with the council, Cliff has finally emerged victorious, with the court ruling in his favour and protecting the wheelie bin route that was used by his father, and his father’s father before him. Presently it is unclear if Cliff will receive compensation back for the time and money put into the case, though he remains hopeful. Now that a resolution has been reached, Cliff has signed off by saying the council “can do what they like with the site, as long as the bin route is protected”. Let that be a lesson to you Middlesbrough, and any other council that would stand between a pensioner and their bin collections.

Advertisements
Middlesbrough Council Lose Out in Collection Standoff

No Smoke Without Fire: The Truth Behind Wheelie Bin Arson

So here we are again, binthusiasts. Wheelie bin fires – the most guilty and inexplicable pleasure of Man. When will this chaos end?

It’s true we’ve already covered this hottest of topics in our previous blog entry, though in light of a further series of bin burnings, and with local tabloids across the country going into absolute meltdown, we feel obliged to revisit it. Why are so many separate incidences of wheelie bin arson occurring so frequently, and in vastly different parts of the country? What is it in the human psyche that is so drawn to this most forbidden of fruit? These are questions that we probably won’t answer here, but rest assured they need answering. Maybe you’ll give it a crack? In the name of the countless wheelie bins we’ve lost to this senseless madness, maybe you’ll give it a crack.

According to The Evening Times, Lanarkshire police have reported a huge increase in wheelie bin fires across the county, urging the public to come forward with any information. A valiant gesture, though a futile one, for if a member of the public is to expose a bin burner they must by extension expose part of their very own soul. They’ll need to bare all in order to do the right thing, like some sort of vigilante flasher – the one crime he couldn’t solve was how to keep his clothes on. The article goes on to say ”The force did not reveal the locations of the deliberate fires”. Far from this being a head-nod to how inept the Jedi are at identifying bin arson, what we see here is a further reluctance to explore the situation… further. This is something that is consistent with regional reporting on the matter: shock and surprise, coupled with sharp distancing of oneself from the grimy truth, similar to a dog that’s both infatuated and sickened by the smell of its own farts.

All jokes to one side, these are serious crimes that in some cases leave very real victims in their wake. The Leicester Mercury has reported that a lady was in need of counselling after a wheelie bin fire spread to a nearby fence and parked car. The article finished by saying that the blaze destroyed the fence and caused 50% of the damage to the parked car – a statement that both conveys how easy it is for these acts to blow up whilst also probing you to wildly speculate about where the other 50% car-damage came from (emotional strain or the work of a disgruntled ex-carfriend?) The bottom line is this needs to stop – you can’t just go around setting other people’s bins on fire it’s really weird.

We’d also like to use this space to commend the efforts of the Evening Telegraph, who’s brave and hysterical death cries serve as the most effective means we have of holding bin arsonists to account – their valiant wails ring true from the brooks of River Dee through to the mountainous breaths of The Torridon Hills. BritishBins fully support any local media outlet that is trying to shine a light on this.

Look after each other and your wheelies everyone, even if we are all just a bunch of dirty bin burners deep down.

No Smoke Without Fire: The Truth Behind Wheelie Bin Arson

Collections come second as we enter The Year of the Bin

We’d like to kick 2018 off by rectifying a commonly held misconception. Despite what the fake news media may have told you, 2018 is not the Year of the Dog. In truth, this year’s cosmic cycle owes itself to the most underappreciated of the Ancient Zodiac Animals.
2018 is the Year of the Wheelie Bin.
Excluded from the roster of the Chinese Zodiac due to apparent “lack of sentience” and “not being a real animal”, the humble waste container has bided it’s time as all the other greedy celestial animals have basked in the limelight. And now finally, after years of watching from the primordial side-lines, it is time.

We couldn’t be happier.

It appears however that our joy isn’t something that’s shared by certain councils across the UK. If the news stories are to be believed, adverse weather conditions have caused a drop in collection rates on both recycling and general domestic waste. As Storm Eleanor brought hurricane-force winds to parts of the UK last week, bins were left by the wayside in Walsall this Winter. According to a post on “Walsall Bins and Things” Facebook page (a name worthy of commendation) “services have been affected due to damage at the waste facility”.

Similar claims have been made throughout the country in the past few weeks, from Aberdeen pensioners to irate Nottingham-dwellers overrun with their own recycling. People are literally suffocating on their own good intentions, and in the Year of the Bin no less. We’ll keep an eye on the situation.

A Happy New Year to you all binthusiasts.

Collections come second as we enter The Year of the Bin

Kirklees’s Merry (Bin)Men Go Rogue

November is the coldest month, isn’t that how the phrase goes? For the good people of Kirklees we do believe it is so. Due to what the council have ever so reluctantly described as ‘operational issues’, thousands of residential wheelie bins lay cold and neglected by the wayside this Winter without a jacket or set of socks betwixt them.

What began as contained instances of domestic wheelie bin neglect soon grew into a district wide epidemic, with residential wheelie bins absolutely engorged to the teeth on household waste all the way from Meltham through to New Mill and Thongsbridge – from the meadows of HD9 and down endlessly through the recesses of time. At the time, ‘significant operational issues’ were the only given reason as to why more than 4000 wheelie bins hadn’t been collected. In what has been described by some as 2017’s worst kept secret, it has now, eventually, ultimately transpired that there was indeed a walk out by the bin collection services, though as of today the council have refused to say why, reports tell us only that between five and ten workers refused to finish their shift one day last week. Clocking off early for a trip to the pub – or shades of something more sinister, perhaps? Corruption at the highest level of the Kirklees waste department? Who can say? For some reason not the council.

At present neither Unite nor Unison (both major unions at the council) have been unable to confirm if they are involved, begging the question: why? If this were a justified and pre-arranged strike action one thing that is assured is that these bodies would be vocal. With everything taken into account, the logical assumption here is that the walk out is an isolated act perpetrated by a merry band of rogue bin men. Highwaste men. Vagabins. Makers of mischief singing rosily from the treetops as grey wheelie bins lay forgotten on the pavement below.

Oh, the Maiden of Haydock was ever so fair!
With a song in her hand and her scent ‘pon the air.
Alone now she’s wondered with ‘nerry a care..
Oh the bins? They must wait now, just wait ‘till we’re there.

*This may or may not have happened.

Kirklees’s Merry (Bin)Men Go Rogue

Charity Thief Throws Good Will in The Bin

Once again someone has used a wheelie bin for nefarious ends. When will this madness end? I ask you. According to reports in the Mail Online & The Birmingham Mail, a rapscallion from Ashby has been loading a wheelie bin with stolen Charity shop donations like some sort of deranged reverse-bin Santa, his trusty 240 litre gift sleigh being pulled between Leicestershire’s charity shops by a pack of feral dogs that he’s sort of managed to tame. Perhaps the most concerning thing about this situation is that the authorities are presently unclear as to the accuracy of rumours that the culprit can in fact see you when you’re sleeping, or indeed if he’s somehow aware that you’re asleep at all. Leicestershire Police are currently investigating allegations of domestic burglary and voyeurism. We’ll keep you updated with the most recent developments on this one, but please, for goodness sake, we ask you all to just be good – we don’t fully know what he’s capable of yet. Budget Clause is coming to town.

Reports tell us that Angela Sherratt, 54, confronted the man outside of a Cancer Research as he rifled through donation bags, loading the finest of the pillaged treasure into a wheelie bin. According to Ms Sheratt’s husband John, “he wasn’t just taking things out of the bags. He was putting whole bin liners in the bin. There were three or four bags of stuff. That bin was chocker.” The couple proceeded to ask the man, who didn’t appear to understand English, to put the items back, though the man continued to look through the bags even as he did so. According to witnesses, “he didn’t need help. Not at all. He was well dressed and wearing quite trendy jeans”. At this stage the thief in nice jeans’ identity is still unknown.

Donations to Cancer Research are particularly welcome at this time of year.

Charity Thief Throws Good Will in The Bin

Minutes of RWM – The Sleepless Week

According to Benjamin Franklin the only two certainties of this world are death and taxes. A timeless proverb undoubtedly, though were he a media salesperson one that would probably read slightly differently:
“Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and that the visitation figures will always be up year on year at any given B2B trade show. Up year on year, fellow Patriots. Book onsite Citizen, to guarantee yourself the right stand for next year’s event, where something tells us the visitation figures may well be up yet again. God bless this United States of America”.

Ah the Trade Show. For some dreamers it is an opportunity to transfigure into birds of paradise and flaunt their wares in such a way that will entice new and exciting types of customer. For other more weather-beaten souls, shows are a biennial excuse to fly the company banner and reminisce, if somewhat despairingly, about the golden age of the trade Exhibition. For let us never forget that special time in history, that little contained instance that came somewhere after the invention of the automobile but before widespread use of the internet, a time where business men and women from across the UK would come together and roll their sleeves up to get Networking done the good old-fashioned way. No tablets. No smart phones. No enhanced digital Deluxe media package option. Just a man, a woman and a big old leather briefcase positively bursting from its cockles with sweet, tender business.
I just want to go back Doris – back to when it all made sense. What even is WhatsApp?

For us at BritishBins, RWM was a place to talk about compaction and benefits therein – and talk we did binthusiasts, often for hours upon end with very little water and toilet breaks. The show was a busy few days in which we were able to garner considerable interest for our innovative mini compactors and bin tipping equipment by launching hundreds of miniature wheelie bins at whoever was within throwing range. Whilst being an ultimately successful time onsite for us, RWM 2017 was also a fascinating exploration into how the human psyche operates when confronted by free giveaways: it’s always for “the grandkids”. It’s obvious you don’t have Grandchildren Michael you’re 26, just admit you want a mini-bin and own how that makes you feel. At any rate, the coming weeks and months will be the true measure of a shows success, though the volume of people stopping by the stand is cause for initial positivity, and spirits are high here at Bin HQ. True, our natural charisma and showmanship aided the effort, though all would have counted for nothing if the people weren’t there, and for that we tip our hats to the organisers and the show at large. Our thanks to Ascential for pulling it off.

Much like with camping, you soon learn what needs to change next time at trade shows, and our trip to Birmingham brought with it some interesting lessons, the most significant being that Premier Inn Broad Street need to take a long, hard look at the thickness of those duvets. Seriously, where’s the middle ground? And I think I speak for all of us when I say we have collectively learned once again that an exhibition’s visitation figures are always up on the preceding year. Those boundless and aspiring visitation figures, feverishly growing year on year like cell division, increasing exponentially and without restraint until the world is eventually comprised entirely of Octanorm shell scheme and every human being in existence is scanned by robots on their way to and from the toilet. Up year on year, forever and always.

Congratulations to all involved with the show and we’ll see you next year.

Minutes of RWM – The Sleepless Week

This Town Ain’t Bin Enough For The Both of Us

Whoever said that the Wild West is dead was lying to you. According to a recent article in the Daily Record, the true spirit of that anarchic Frontier lives on, though apparently only in the west-central Lowlands of Scotland (or more specifically in the administrative centre of the Renfrewshire council area), in a town called Paisley. Billy The Kidd eat your cowboy heart out, for the story of Adam Ferguson Snr. trying to run Iain McCreight down in his van to decide once and for all who gets to clean the wheelie bins of Paisley is a tale that makes the notorious high-noon duel look like a salesperson who mentions how happy they are it’s Friday in order to build a rapport: a total and complete farce.

Ferguson and McCreight have run separate wheelie bin cleaning services in the Glenburn area for the last seven years. There have been tensions, as one would expect when two behemoths of bin cleaning roam the same stomping ground. Things seemed to be going smoothly until one fateful day Ferguson, having had enough of sharing the glory and renown, decided to usurp the competition and seize the crown for himself as the last living heir to the localised wheelie bin cleaning dynasty.
No longer will I play second fiddle to you, Iain! Paisley’s dirty wheelie bins are my birth right, along with ALL the domestic waste containers of the surrounding lands of Renfrew extending up to though not including the Bridge of Weir and Clydebank. As you well know, cur!
What the final straw was we may never know – the only thing we can be sure of is that this man loves cleaning bins so much he is quite literally prepared to commit an intentional act of murder to continue doing so.

On December 21st, Ferguson attempted to carry out his own personalised brand of frontier justice but with a receptacle twist, allegedly trying to run his business rival down in his van by driving straight at him on Nethercraigs Road. This is a claim that is disputed by Ferguson and his wife Marjory, who claim that they weren’t there, it never happened, and that they don’t even know what a van is, so everyone should just leave well alone, alright? Convincing enough. In those typical cases of a wheelie bin cleaner attempting to brutally murder their business rivals with a heavy loading vehicle, that defence would normally be sufficient; however, nothing about this case can be classed as normal. Namely, this is not the first time Ferguson has attempted to run down Mr McCreight with a van. In June last year, Ferguson was convicted of common assault after he tried to reverse over Mr McCreight when they were both working jobs on Islay Crescent, a heated crime of passion that occurred in the throws of an embittered turf war for the very soul of Paisley’s residential waste containers. Different street –  same hilariously misguided attempt to restore balance to the free market.
As funny as it is, somebody should probably inform Mr. Ferguson that running Iain over with a bin cleaning truck isn’t a pragmatic solution to all of life’s little problems. Some, but certainly not all.

For me, the most interesting part about this story is Ferguson’s character arc. Not to imply that he has in any way grown emotionally or come to peaceful terms with Mr McCreight, instead what is far more fascinating is the thought process that led him to believe that instead of reversing, driving forwards at speed was definitely going to be the way to further his commercial ambitions. If you think about it, there must have come a time at some stage between the two incidents, in the dead of night, with Marjory at his side, where Ferguson Snr. suddenly woke in a cold sweat, sat bolt upright and, with a knowing grin, whispered to himself: “No more reversees”.

This Town Ain’t Bin Enough For The Both of Us