Adolescence: a volatile time. A time in which the blissful ignorance of childhood suddenly becomes a bizarre cacophony of confusion and rage, which can often manifest itself in nihilistic acts of violence and vandalism that serve to protest against nothing else other than the bloody injustice of it all. We empathise, we really do. We just wish that these demonstrations of frustration weren’t targeted at the poor, innocent wheelie bin. As a cursory scroll through this news archive shows, these underappreciated stalwarts of our society have a hard old time, often victimised due to the fact they just happen to be there.
This week comes the news that the dastardly youths of Orchard park are stealing residents’ wheelie bins and setting them alight for no particular reason. We think it’s a shame that these youths don’t focus these passionate, pyromanic energies towards more productive pursuits, such as playing cricket or writing sonnets. Perhaps an intensive rehabilitative course is in order, replete with our very version of ‘It’s a wonderful life,’ in which our hero sets a wheelie bin alight and spends the rest of the film waist deep in rubbish while his guardian angel begs the lord to grant him his wings, if only so he doesn’t have to walk through everyone else’s crap.
On the other side of the spectrum, it’s good to see a wheelie bin afforded the respect it deserves, taking on the role of a ‘V.I.P passenger,’ on a train from Basingstoke to Waterloo. One angry, paying passenger stated ‘“I thought why would you put something like that on a rush hour train rather than in the day when it is less busy.” Fortunately, with this being a British train, no one kicked up a fuss, therefore avoiding sparking the Rosa Parks snapshot that could have gone on to define the Wheelie bin liberation movement, which would cunningly draw upon on the fears of bins that don’t want to be lynched in parks.